Sliding and screaming into the holiday season...

It is upon us. That hectic, emotional roller coaster we call "the holiday season".

Every year I resolve to simplify, slow down and try to enjoy a Zen-like quiet time of fellowship and reflection. Every year, I get caught up in the frantic rush to buy gifts, attend parties and entertain family and friends; all while trying to keep up with my usual responsibilities at work and at home. I don't even have children and it is still all so exhausting. I don't know how those of you that do have offspring manage to balance everything without losing your sanity.

This year things feel different to me and I would suspect, to many Americans. With a shaky economy and 10% unemployment, "simplification" has become a necessity, not a choice, for most of us. It just doesn't feel right to whoop it up too much when we all know people are really struggling this year.

The Davis Christmas is typically a quiet affair. For the last couple of years I have made small donations to various charities on behalf of my parents and brothers. We give a couple of simple gifts among the adults and then I always buy gifts for my brother's children. I also buy one nice gift for my mother, which she always tells me she will leave me when she dies. I in turn reassure her that my gift-buying has no ulterior motive and that I am throwing all the scarves, Waterford knick knacks and Limoges in with her if she precedes me. (That's the kind of stuff that passes for humor in my family.)

In contrast, the Valalik Christmas exchanges have always been a loud flurry of tearing paper and glee. However, as all the children become young adults and are beginning to start their own families, we thought it was time for a change. Last year my brother-in-law, Andy and his awesome wife, Joyce, came up with an alternate gift exchange game that would save everyone money and simplify the buying process.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The plan was to gather at Joe and Joan's new home for Christmas Eve, each of us tasked with buying a generic gift under $50 that would be suitable for a large number of the participants. I told Bill that I would buy one present and he could buy the other. The week of Christmas I gently reminded him repeatedly that he needed to buy something for the event. (Those of you who know us can appreciate how supremely subtle I was in "reminding" Bill about his responsibility.)

Finding a universally attractive gift proved to be akin to Mission Impossible. Can you think of an item that costs exactly $50 that would appeal to a group of nine people of both sexes with ages ranging between 19 and 81 years? Neither could I. In desperation, I finally landed on a big faux silver punch bowl/ice bucket thingy that you can stash beverages in for parties. It was attractive (I thought) and useful. I got my treat wrapped and ready for Christmas Eve. When Bill came home from work at 3:30 that afternoon, I asked him what he had purchased. He confessed that he had been unable to think of anything appropriate. The party started at 5:30PM and was located an hour away from our house. We jumped in the car and raced up to TJ Maxx in full blown panic mode. After running around the store like idiots, we finally found a Calphalon roasting pan. Sold for $49.99! In a frenzy, I got it wrapped and we showered, dressed and drove to S.C.

Joe and Joan's house was beautifully decorated and suitably festive. When it was time for the exchange, we all drew numbers and the person with the number "one" got to choose the first gift. The person with the number "two" had the option of taking the gift from the person with the first gift or picking something new from under the tree, and so on. In theory this results in hilarity and merriment for all. Mallory, our lovely niece who is in her early 20's, chose the present she herself had purchased; a cozy Sherpa blanket from J.C. Penney. After she unwrapped it, she draped it over her shoulders and her face assumed a blissed-out expression, not unlike that of my cat when he encounters catnip. For the rest of the evening she hissed (again, not unlike my cat) at anyone who dared cast eyes upon her treasured blankie. Needless to say, her grandfather, who had drawn the number "two" did not have the nerve to attempt prying it away from her when it was his turn to choose.

Things went rapidly downhill from there, despite our best attempts at being jolly.
The gifts ended up like this: Grandpa Joe got a grey V-neck men's XL sweater (he was the only guy small enough to wear it); Joan, ended up with a man's Brookstone grooming set (presumably she plans to keep Joe's nose and ears hair-free, which we applaud); Andy got a windchime(which he stole from Bill in exchange for the breathalyzer that Andy had purchased and badly wanted to see his big brother unwrap); Jonathan ended up with the Calphalon roasting pan (every college boy's fantasy gift); Kathryn got a bottle of Tresor perfume (which she doesn't wear) after I stole her iPod so that I could trade it to Joyce in exchange for my own ice bucket (yes, I got into the spirit of things and degenerated into a complete ass). The nice thing is I ended up with two gifts when Kathryn threw the perfume at me on her way out the door. Good times!

Surprisingly, it is not our plan to make the gift exchange an annual tradition.

The plan this year is to, you guessed it, simplify. We're sharing small gifts from the heart, good food and lots of love and laughter. As my nephew Jonathan wisely told his mother, "It isn't about the gifts anyway, Mom. It's about being together." I couldn't (and didn't) say it better myself.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all. Let's make this the year we count our blessings, not our dollars, to calculate how rich we really are.

Autumn musings....(as opposed to what I "muse" about in Spring, Summer or Winter.)

Well, it was early Spring last time I blogged and it seems like the world has been waiting patiently for my latest revelations. (i.e.-nobody appears to have noticed that it has been awhile...) That's o.k. as this is pretty much a writing exercise for myself that I don't mind others reading. My journals however, are another story, and will have to be destroyed before my demise. You guys don't want to know what I really think. The journals from the '80s were more interesting but the latest ones just have a lot of junk about plants, dogs, cooking and old lady tennis.

What's new since April?

Uncle Bill and I have been to Vegas twice. (Sadly, no huge winnings to brag about.) We did take a week in September to drive up to Vegas from Phoenix. Besides a lot of cactus and desert, we viewed the Grand Canyon. I had visited the Canyon before, with my friends Leigh and Bryn, as a 40th birthday girl's trip. The mule ride into the Canyon with Leigh is one of my favorite stories to tell whenever I want to entertain myself at the expense of my audience, who are usually bored to tears. Bill had never seen the Canyon, except for flying over it in a commercial plane. Words and pictures can't do it justice. It is too vast and awesome to describe, photograph or paint. It is also an ever-changing thing; as the light plays on the different exposed layers of earth, it creates a rainbow of colors. It is something that simply must be personally experienced to be properly appreciated. In short, I highly recommend that you put it on your list of things to see before you expire.

In other news, Gracie, the puppy, is getting huge. She still has a crazy amount of energy, which is typical for a Lab. Emma, our older chocolate girl, loves her and so do we. The cat told me that for him, the jury is still out.

Have recently exchanged some communications with my former stepson. This is pretty exciting to me, as I haven't heard from or seen him in over ten years. He has grown from a beautiful boy into an equally beautiful man and I look forward to learning more about him and his life with his lovely wife. Hoping that I will also be able to re-connect with his brother, who apparently is living in the Boone area with his equally lovely wife and two daughters.

My brother's oldest daughter, Brawley, is in her freshman year of college at ECU and apparently acquitting herself honorably scholastically. This is not in the tradition that I established at Chapel Hill 30 years ago and I am proud that she has realized so quickly that college does provide an opportunity to learn something in addition to the Budweiser poem, which I can still recite. Rod's other children seem to be doing well. Dottie is an athlete and Facebook junkie; Drake is gifted academically and learning to play several brass instruments, including the sax and the tuba; Eleanor is rocking 5th grade and full of charm. (I do think that Drake needs to know that the sax is an infinitely more sexy instrument than the tuba.)

Other family news; our grand nephew, little Henry, celebrated his 1st birthday this summer. Unfortunately I was out of town and couldn't attend this gala event. He continues to delight and amaze all who behold him (particularly his grandmother, Kathryn, and his parents, Jennifer and big Henry.) We are looking forward to seeing the little guy and the whole gang tomorrow night at the Valalik fall birthday bash at Jen and the Hens' house.

Andy and Joyce's kids are prospering. Their daughter, our niece Mallory, and her new husband ,Chris (a.k.a. Mook), continue to live a life of travel and adventure, accruing animal friends along the way. They have several dogs and I heard they recently added a horse named Maverick to their menagerie. Looking forward to catching up on their latest exploits tomorrow night. Her brother, Jonathan is at the College of Charleston and we keep threatening him with a visit. (Scariest threat we could think of to keep him in line.)

Parents keep on trucking. Bill's dad and his new bride, Joannie, just returned from an Alaskan cruise with Bill's Uncle "So Big"(real name Richard, but he is tall, thus the nickname. Apparently, before my time there was also an Uncle "Teenie", who was "So Big's" twin brother and also tall. Go figure.) Joe will be 82 and Joan will be 80 years young, at the end of this month. They really are delightful.

My parents aren't enjoying the same robust health, but they are living quietly at the Pines and doing the best they can. My mother, Betty, is still a piece of work, as those of you who know her may recall. Her 81st birthday was this Wednesday and God bless her and God bless my dad, for living with her for over 50 years. (I believe this task has been made easier by the fact that he has been stone deaf for the last 15 of those years.) Incidentally, Joan and Betty would kill me for publishing their ages on the internet, but I am confident they won't ever read this.


Happy Halloween everybody and don't let the goblins bite!

LDVal

Investing in what matters...

The purpose of investment, as I understand it, is to enrich oneself. Obviously, if we invest money, we want to buy something that will increase in monetary value over time. To be able to have enough money to invest, we often have to sacrifice instant gratification. That means saving instead of spending. Maybe we don't buy a new car every few years, or take a big vacation to some exotic location. The thought is that if we invest now, we will have something later. We can have a nice car later and travel when we retire.


My parents are depression era. I was raised to believe that saving and investing was wise, and even virtuous. There are a lot of wise and virtuous people suffering right now and some of them don't even have a nice car or the memory of a great vacation to show for all of their hard work and self-discipline.



If you think I have any financial advice to offer, you don't know me very well. I don't have the slightest idea how long or how deep the recession will get before it is over. However, I would like to say that during these difficult times, maybe it is a good time to reflect on what we hold most dear. At the end of the day, what will we wish we had invested in, and what sort of wealth do we want to accrue?



At this point in my life, I realize that the most important asset I have is time, and that what I value the most are the relationships I have with family and friends. I have not always spend my time well, or with the right people. I have a college buddy that used to get exasperated because, as he said, I was prone to dragging "U.F.O." people into any plans we made. I have always been gregarious, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I have met a lot of wonderful folks and actually introduced a lot of people to one another. However, what he was trying to point out is that when I included people I barely knew myself, I unwittingly diluted the quality of time we spent together.



Twenty-five years later we are part of a group of four couples that call themselves the "Golden Friends". We meet quarterly for dinner and rotate houses. Sometimes we invite additional guests, but only close mutual friends, or family members.



All the couples have been married over 20 years, except my husband and me. At this point in our friendship, we have supported each other through innumerable joys and trials, including; dating, marraige, divorce, cancer, brain tumor, infertility, child birth, child rearing, and even college graduation. We escaped our youth in one piece, and now in middle age, we are collectively experiencing the aging and loss of our parents. You can't put a price on that kind of friendship.



It is kind of funny, but I would say that in some respects, I have eaten my desert first in this life. I have not placed a high value on material things or "getting ahead", compared to many people. I have spent a disproportionate amount of money, for someone of my age and income level on travel, food, arts and entertainment. In short, I am a bit of an experience junkie. I don't have a huge house or a fancy car, but I have had a pretty good time. Let's see someone try to take that away from me!

These days I am more settled and content to be home. I have a job I like, and a husband I love.
I still enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I always will. However, I am more careful how I invest my time these days. The stock market may rebound, and I hope it will, but I know that I will never recover one minute of mispent time. You know the Beatles were right when they said , "and in the end the love we take is equal to the love we make."

Writing your own story

Spring is quite the tease, isn't she? Two weekends ago it snowed 5 inches. Last weekend it was so unseasonably warm, in the high 70s, we knew it couldn't last. This weekend it is chilly and dreary and rain without end, amen. It is true that weather affects peoples' psyche, and this is the kind of weather that can make your moods yo yo around.

The Heels lost and Duke won the ACC championship, which is a double whammy for a person of my loyalties. On a personal note, we are dealing with the loss of our companion of 13 years, my canine friend, Lucy.

However, we are not going negative here. My husband and I are both gainfully employed. Our family and friends are enjoying comparatively good health. The financial markets may be finally bottoming out and there is a case for cautious optimism. Several weeks ago we attended the wedding of our niece; a unique and lovely occasion.

Last week, we also attended the funeral of a friend's father and his eulogy really inspired me. Mr. Chuber was one of those "ordinary" people you meet everyday, but his life was really extraordinary. He survived being a POW in WWII, like my own father. He enjoyed a happy marraige for over 60 years, raised 3 children and ran a successful business. He was a devout Catholic, lover of animals, an inventor, a ballroom dancer and an entrepeneur.

Listening to the story of this man's life, I realized that we are all the author of our own stories, whether or not we are conscious of it. What I choose to do today may be what I am remembered for tomorrow. If our acts define us, how will you be remembered?

Trouble ahead...trouble behind

Man, it is like the Never Ending Story....never ending.

The gloom and doom continues. After a dismal January and February we are clawing our way towards Spring.

The banks are having fun with their own little Catch 22. They are going bankrupt because of bad loans and yet they are being pressured to use the recovery money to make loans. Even my dad, the great predictor of catastrophy, could not foresee that the damage from the mortgage industry would permeate every sector of the economy and cause an international financial crisis.

Well, personally I am weary of dwelling on bad news that makes everyone feel helpless. I try to continue to do the things that I can do and the things that need to be done and not become paralyzed by depression about what I can not impact. I take pleasure in the joy that family brings. I am thankful for the occasional warm day, like yesterday when I can get outdoors and play remedial tennis with my friends. I cuddle my smelly, wonderful dogs.

Like the prayer says:
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

We may get more cold weather before the before winter ends. We might even see a late season snow. But soon green things will push their way above the surface, the dormant trees will regain their leaves, and eventually even the flowers will bloom. No matter what bad things might happen in our personal lives or the economy, the miracle we call "Spring" will repeat itself again. Maybe there is something we can learn from that. Let's try to hold it together and keep the faith.

"Stimulus"....sounds good, but will it work?

I am pretty optimistic that we will eventually get out of this quagmire, but like many people, am not sure that the stimulus package is going to have the desired effect on our economy. As one of the lucky "still employed", I am certainly thankful. I know that a lot of talented and hardworking people are without jobs at this time through no fault of their own. While I don't think the government can sit on its hands and do nothing, I am not sure throwing good money after bad is the correct solution.

I don't think we should continue postponing the inevitable and keep propping up failing businesses, like the American car industry. Is that worth putting ourselves further into debt? I don't believe they can re-invent themselves quickly enough to turn around the perception that they produce an inferior product. That may sound harsh to some, but I haven't owned an American car myself since I was 22 years old. My dad was a POW in WWII, and never owned anything but American cars. He still has a Cadillac, but I his days of being a car consumer are over, I think. What kind of cars do you all drive?

Ford may be able to survive. I think they make good trucks and have a better reputation than most. We will see.

I have problems with some other issues as well. For people who have been the target of predatory lending practices, I feel that we should try to keep them in their homes if possible. However, it seems to many of us that we are going to be helping a lot of people refinance houses they could not afford and actually rewarding fiscal irresponsibility. The banks and financial institutions that made the bad loans are also getting assistance. Is this fair to you? People who are trying to live within their means are not going to get a life jacket if they lose their jobs.

It is easy to be a couch quarterback and I certainly am no economist, but I think common sense would dictate we spend some of this money reducing the payroll taxes, to help working folks and large and small businesses. If we are going to provide mortgage assistance, we should do it in a fair and even-handed way, to provide a temporary helping hand to people who purchased homes they could afford, but have fallen victims to the downturn.

As everyone acknowledges,there is going to be lot more pain before this is all over. I feel most sorry for elderly people like my parents and in-laws that worked hard all their lives, saving money and investing responsibly. They don't have 10 or 20 years to recover their retirement position. The lack of oversight that contributed to this mess has really been a disservice to a great generation. Where is their "golden parachute"?

Well that is my opinion. Is it worth a penny? One thing is for sure, we all have to think a lot more than we used to about what is penny-worthy....

ObamaNation....good or bad?

Hi gang.

Well, it is official; we now live in an ObamaNation.

Couldn't help but be inspired and uplifted by the recent inauguration of the 43rd president. I would characterize myself politically as being pretty financially conservative, but socially liberal. (In short, I feel that the log in my eye prevents me from going after the speck in my brother's eye.)

I am encouraged by the fact that we have a younger president who seems in step with the times and understands how to communicate in the technological age in which we find ourselves. If perception is reality and he can influence perception, his communication skills will be his biggest strength.

However, we have a myriad of very real problems now, and this is also the scariest time in terms of national security that I have witnessed in my almost 50 years. In terms of the economy, I don't believe anyone from either party has the "answer" and my 86 year old father would rather not see the second depression in his lifetime.

What are your thoughts, aside from whether or not you liked Michelle's choice of clothing?

New Topic...Do you think the bad economic news is a like a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Are you as tired as I am of watching and hearing nothing but negative news about the economy? If perception is reality and people are acting on emotion, do you suspect the national news media has actually become a "news maker" itself by shaping our opinions?

I mean, I don't believe that the news should sugar coat things or not report facts, but I don't think that any of us believe the days of objective journalism (if there ever were such days) exist anymore. News is about ratings. Shows are biased and sensational for the most part. Have you ever watched the local news when there were no big stories that day? The reporters cast about to try to create something "news worthy" out of the smallest event. When there is actually an accident, bad weather or even a murder to report, the less professional anchors can't conceal their glee.

Brian Williams, bless his heart, with his long face and dire information, reminds me of a funeral director.

It I am full of baloney, let me know it.

If you agree and have more to add, weigh in.

LD

In follow up to my "puppy mill" rant, if you are a Facebook person, check this out:
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/71?m=c51d7&recruiter_id=17926715&_fb_fromhash=e66962d1971cfaab5c05cf7f8bb827cf

It is a link to "Stop Puppy Mills" on the Humane Society website.

As my nephew-to-be from Australia says,"Get amongst it!"